Gay men tend to grapple with complex feelings about body image, influenced by societal ideals that often emphasize a lean and muscular physique. As a result, gay gym culture is often marked by a complex interplay of such body standards, which can both motivate and challenge individuals within the community to base their self-perception on chasing an idealized appearance.

In this episode, we're exploring the intersection of gay culture and gym culture, along with how societal conceptions of masculinity on gay men's self-image and relationships can lead to feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and the pursuit of often unrealistic physical ideals.

Additional Resources:

Get Your Merch

31: The Why Behind the Weird

Dive into strange but lesser-known true stories from our mysterious world with...

Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

Support the Show.

Get Your Merch

Listen on

Apple Podcasts Spotify Amazon Music Podcast Index Overcast Stitcher +

Share Episode

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on LinkedIn

Get Your Merch

31: The Why Behind the Weird

Dive into strange but lesser-known true stories from our mysterious world with...

Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

Support the Show.

Get Your Merch

Snarky Opener (0:00)

Yo. Do you even lift, bruh?

Episode Introduction (0:24)

Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay. I'm Rob Loveless, and today I'm a non-jaded gay because I've been super motivated in my writing lately. So, I've just been, like, writing chapter after chapter the past few weeks. I've just been so eager to get it done. And in my mind, I've set a goal of trying to get it done by the end of the year.

I mean, obviously, there's rewrites and edits and new parts added. But just getting that first initial draft of everything done, down on paper. That's the hardest part for me. So, I'm really looking forward to getting that done. I feel like I've been writing this a really long time, even though it's only been about a year since I started writing it.

And it's been, it's been a tough book to write. It's very therapeutic, it's good to get it out, but it also brings a lot of negative emotions to the surface. But it's kind of necessary to do that because I really need to process them and talk through it a little bit more.

And I think this is one way of letting me do that. I mean, this past weekend, I wrote a chonky chapter, it was like 4000 words long, which is pretty long. And it brought up a lot of emotions. And then in my therapy session on Monday, I actually talked to my therapist about it and just was like, yep, this is the chapter I wrote. This is what I'm feeling, let's talk through it. It's uncomfortable, but let's do the work.

So, I'm just yeah, I'm excited to be almost done with it. I really like when I finish a new book because it just feels like a sense of accomplishment. And, you know, additionally, potential about words can go. You know, every time I do try to pitch the manuscript to literary agents hoping to get a little bit more commercial, a little bit more successful than what I've done in the past.

So, every time I finish writing something new, I just am hoping I'm moving one step closer to that goal.

Holiday Break (2:00)

Anyway, that being said, I do want to address something before we get into the episode today. This will be the last episode of 2023. I'm gonna take a little holiday break from now until mid-January.

I think the first episode back for the new year, I think right now, I'm planning for it to be that Tuesday, January 16. So, just need a little bit of time off. You know, I've been thinking about this and reflecting. And I realized that I've been working on this podcast for almost two years now.

Back in, way back when, feels like forever ago. But in December 2021, was actually when I started planning everything out, started putting episodes together, getting things like the cover art, all that stuff put together. And then, I launched the podcast in mid-April 2022. So, it's been like a year and a half.

And during that time, I realized that I've released an episode every single Tuesday for a year and a half, with the exception of the Fourth of July this year, because that fell on a Tuesday. So that's a long time to be working.

And I love that I've been doing this and I've loved that I've been connecting with others. But I've been so focused on trying to keep this going and to get episodes out every week, even when I've been going through really tough times, that I haven't really had a chance to have a break to recover, rest, rejuvenate all that stuff for myself.

I mean, I moved twice this year. The first move was really tough. I cried all summer, pretty much. It's been a struggle. There's been stressors with, you know, things from the past, ongoing situations, just the day-to-day stress. Then trying to, you know, work a full-time job, wake up at 4 am to work out five days a week, do a podcast, write a book, have a social life, watch TV, it's been a lot.

She's tired.

So, I need just some time off during this holiday season. So, for the next, like, two months, I'm gonna just take a little hiatus.

But don't worry, I'll still be posting on social media for the podcast. Also, I'm always on there interacting. So, if you want to reach out to me through Instagram or the podcast email, I'll definitely be answering those inquiries. So, I'm not going to go completely silent.

And there will still be monthly bonus episodes coming out while I'm taking this hiatus. So, if you haven't thought about joining Patreon yet and you don't think you can go two months without me, well, here's your solution. Sign up to Patreon.

And also, if you're behind on episodes, use those two months to catch up or re-listen to some of your favorite episodes. You know, whenever I put an episode together, a lot of times they tie back to previous topics.

So I'll go back to that episode, back to that episode script. And I'll, like, pull some of the stats from there in the research, and I remind myself of things that I talked about that I might have forgotten in the time since then. And, given where I'm at in different points in life, it might take on a new meaning or hit me differently.

So maybe re-listen to some of your favorite episodes, share it with a friend, whatever. But don't worry, we will be back in January 2024.

And also, I didn't plan it this way. But when I decided that I would take a break after this episode, I realized that it was episode 82, which, if you know numerology, you add those numbers together. It equals 10, which you also add again, one plus zero equals one. So, it represents the end of the cycle and the beginning of a new one.

So, ah! Cosmic energy just telling me to take a break. I have to listen.

Gay Gym Culture (4:53)

Anyway, from taking a break to breaking a sweat. Today, we're going to be talking about gay gym culture.

And I wanted to do this episode shortly before Thanksgiving because, around this time last year, we did an episode on gay men and body obsession. And in that episode, we touched upon eating disorders, body image, the Adonis complex, and muscle dysphoria as it relates to gay men.

So, body image is something that I feel there are so many layers to, especially when it comes to gay culture. So, you could probably talk for hours upon hours about that, so I thought I'd start dissecting it into little sections. I'm sure this won't be the last episode on body image.

But today, I did want to circle back and go a step deeper, talking about the gym culture that pervades the LGBTQ+ community and its impact on mental health. So, it's gonna be a little heavier, but important to talk about.

But before we do that, you know the drill, let's pull our tarot card.

Tarot (5:50)

So, the card for this episode is the Page of Pentacles in reverse. Now, Pentacles is tied to the element of earth, so it's very grounding and stabilizing. And it's feminine energy, which is asking us to reflect and meditate.

Pentacles is tied to prosperity, hard work, and reaping the fruits of your labor. And in tarot, pages are the first court card in each respective suit. So, there's kind of a childishness to them, kind of like the inner child within us.

And it's number 11. So, we add that together, one plus one equals two. And in numerology, two is tied to duality, partnership, and choice.

So, when we draw this card in reverse, it's telling us that we might be exploring a new project, but we're not quite ready to move forward with it just yet. It can also indicate that we might be taking hasty or impulsive actions. Or we might be too busy daydreaming about new goals instead of working toward our current ones.

So, we need to make sure that we're only taking on what we can handle and what we have the energy for. And most importantly, this card is a reminder that we need to show ourselves some grace and learn from our mistakes.

What is Fitness and Gym Culture? (6:54)

So now that we've covered that, let's start off with a brief overview of what fitness and gym culture are. And this comes from Wikipedia.

Fitness culture is a socio-cultural phenomenon surrounding exercise and physical fitness. It is usually associated, with gym culture, as doing physical exercises in locations such as gyms, wellness centers, and health clubs is a popular activity.

The History of Gym Culture (7:17)

And bear with me here, we're going to go back in time a little bit to talk about the history of weightlifting and gym culture.

According to BarBend, which is the official media partner of USA Weightlifting, lifting heavy weights was a popular activity in ancient India, Persia, Egypt, China, and Greece, among other regions. In fact, the word gymnasium is derived from the Greek words gumnazo, which means exercise, and gumnos, which means loincloth or naked.

And gymnasiums in ancient Athens were a mixture between a university and a municipal gym where men could bathe, get massages, exercise, and even attend lectures from philosophy heavyweights, such as Plato or Aristotle.

In other Greek city-states, gyms were used as training camps for athletes and, more commonly, military barracks. When the Romans conquered Ancient Greece in the second and third centuries, they adopted both styles of gymnasiums. Wealthy elites would train and learn in the private gymnasium inspired by Athens, while gladiators and soldiers would train in military barracks.

Meanwhile, in ancient India, soldiers, and wrestlers trained in akharas, which contained statues of deities and a clay field in which exercisers would run through their workouts before rubbing the clay over their bodies to cleanse themselves.

But then, during the Dark Ages in Europe, which lasted from the fifth to 15th century, the Greco-Roman-styled bodies and their culture around the gymnasium disappeared. And that's because, during this time, religious doctrine from the Catholic Church viewed the body as an object of sin, which meant that gymnasium cultures found previously were now problematic. Still, soldiers trained their bodies since there were wars going on.

Then, in 1569, Italian physician Girolamo Mercuriale published the book De Arte Gymnastica, which provided information and drawings containing muscular men working out. And Mercuriale's book is credited with the revival in gym interest in the 16th and 17th centuries.

In 1762, Jean Jacques Rousseau wrote Emile or On Education, which is a multi-volume rumination on education's role in children's lives. And he advanced the idea that physical activity and sport was important for children. And his views encouraged individuals to include physical education in their schools, which by proxy meant a growing interest in gymnasiums.

And with this interest came the idea that strengthening children's bodies meant ensuring strong soldiers in the future, so physical education became deeply connected with militaries.

The Turner System (9:43)

In the 1800s, Friedrich Ludwig Jahn, known as the Father of Gymnastics, launched the Turner system, which promised to strengthen bodies and would increase the patriotism and fighting prowess of participants.

This became so popular it inspired similar systems in England, France, Italy, Spain, and, eventually, the United States. And Turner gyms were defined by pommel horses, calisthenics, and, in some cases, dumbbells.

Meanwhile, Pehr Henrik Ling devised a system of gymnastics later known as Swedish gymnastics, which promised that gymnastic training would improve people's health in general, and argued that exercise could be seen as medicine.

Then, from the mid-19th century to the opening decades of the 20th century, Swedish and Turner gymnastics were the most popular systems in gymnasiums. And while these types of gyms were popular, they weren't the fitness centers we know today. They tended to be light on equipment, aside from bouncing beams, pommel horses, climbing ropes, and maybe very light dumbbells.

Strength Machines Emerge (10:42)

But in the latter half of the 19th century, American entrepreneurs like George Barker Windship began to market new strength machines.

In 1860, Windship began marketing the health lift, which was a strange-looking machine that mimicked a help-belt squat. And these marketing efforts encouraged the spread of health lift gymnasiums around the United States, which promised a quick and effective workout.

However, Windship died in 1876 of a heart attack, and many of his contemporaries blamed it on his exercise system. Soon, health lifts began disappearing from the United States.

The Modern Gym Craze (11:14)

Then, in 1889, Friedrich Wilhelm Müller, a circus performer and art model, traveled to London to compete against a fellow strongman in a weightlifting competition. He won and announced himself to the world as Eugene Sandow and, in the process, inadvertently kickstarted the modern gym craze under the guise of physical culture.

He was known by contemporaries as the world's most perfectly developed specimen and opened a gymnasium in 1897 for those interested in his system. Also, around this time, YMCA gymnasiums were emerging in Britain and the United States, independent gyms were springing up, and the idea of going to the gym was becoming respectable.

So, we see this first wave of gymnasiums similar to today's from 1900 until around the 1940s, which contained dumbbells, some form of barbells, and kettlebells. And, while they were more popularized, they were still not a place many people regularly frequented.

In fact, a 1961 study found that less than 25% of all Americans exercised regularly. And while people weren't really going to gyms, American society adopted jogging, which became popular in the 1960s and 70s. The aerobics boom also coincided during this time, and fitness centers began to emerge across the country, primarily aimed at people who wanted to use treadmills and maybe exercise with light dumbbells.

In the late 1960s, we also see the adoption of exercising with machines versus free weights and the beginnings of boutique studios, which were dedicated to a single exercise modality. And this served as a precursor for today's boutique gym phenomenon, such as yoga studios, orange theory, and CrossFit.

Weightlifting Increases in Popularity (12:52)

Now, that being said, during the '60s, gyms popped up in California that catered to bodybuilding. And it wasn't until the 1980s that bodybuilding, powerlifting, and weightlifting gyms really came to prominence.

And I've heard a number of reasons why that was. For starters, I heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger and his muscular physique played a role in the popularity of bodybuilding. I also saw that in the '80s, wrestling became more popular on TV, and the big muscular wrestlers even appeared in movies. So, some different theories there.

Anyway, fast forward to today's modern gym era, we've seen the rise of hashtag fitness influencers, largely thanks to increased adoption of social media. And my mental health has never been better. But with all that history in mind, I do want to turn our attention to the history of gay gym culture.

The History of Gay Gym Culture (13:39)

So, let's go back in time to the 1970s. And it always ties back to the '70s because once again, that's when we had the gay liberation movement really take off.

Anyway, a 2015 San Francisco Bay Area article detailed how intertwined gym culture is with gay culture. And for starters, gyms weren't only places where gay men could work out. They also served as a place to meet old friends, colleagues, and lovers and to make new ones. Here's an excerpt:

"In the 70s, places like Polk Street, Eureka Valley, and the Castro were full of young members of our community, particularly gay men, who enjoyed showing off their gym-toned bodies in snug 501 jeans and tight t-shirts. A lot of guys also sported cropped hair and mustaches. The look was so common that they were dubbed Castro clones. Stereotypes aside, those of us at the San Francisco Bay Times who were in the city then remember how exhilarating that period often was. One of the songs that could be heard thumping out of packed clubs and cafes perhaps said it best: Young man, there's no need to feel down. I said young man, pick yourself off the ground. There's no need to be unhappy."

And first off, let me just say that last week's episode and this week's episode were not planning to coincide like that together. But as you remember, in our episode about if mustaches are or are not gay, we did talk about how mustaches were popular around that time and the Castro clone stereotype. So, a fun little tie in there.

It’s Fun to Stay at the YMCA (15:03)

But going back to that quote, I'm sure you're all familiar with those lyrics. And you know that it's fun to stay at the where? That's right, the YMCA.

And we all know that The Village People who sing that song, along with Macho Man, were dressed homoerotically, and definitely had a place in gay culture.

Now, I couldn't really find any concrete research on this, but there are some online forums where people talk about, in the '70s, YMCAs were places where gay men could stay for cheap, work out, and also have sexual encounters.

And apparently, the gay culture from which the image and music of The Village People came, the song was implicitly understood as celebrating the YMCA's reputation as a popular cruising and hookup spot, particularly for the younger men to whom it was addressed.

But again, take that with a grain of salt.

Health & Fitness During the HIV/AIDS Crisis (15:48)

But anyway, turning to the '80s and '90s. With the HIV/AIDS crisis, many gay men seemed to put their focus into the gym to intensify their pursuit of health and fitness.

According to the article, it was common to ask someone where do you work out, similarly to how today you might ask someone what their sign is. And then, moving into a new decade in the millennium, distinct LGBTQ+ social groups began emerging within gym culture.

Gay Gym Subgroups (16:13)

In fact, for his 2007 book Muscle Boys: Gay Gym Culture, personal trainer Erick Alvarez surveyed nearly 6,000 male gay gym devotees and identified the following six principal subgroups:

Number one is the muscle boy.

These are 18 to 40-something-year-old men who do not strongly identify with other gym subcultures.

Two is the older male.

These are gay baby boomers who frequently work out.

Number three is the poz jock.

These are HIV-positive men who, as Alvarez writes, use the gym and exercise as an important aspect of managing HIV and AIDS.

Four is the athlete.

For these men, the gym is a cross-training tool that serves as an extension of their sports.

Five is the circuit boy.

These guys train hard and party hard, too.

And then number six is the muscle bear.

Which the author describes as big, burly, and strong as hell.

Now obviously, that book is a bit dated, being published more than 15 years ago. And we all know how limiting it can be to assign a gay male to a certain group like twink, otter, or bear. But I thought that was an interesting little history lesson, specifically about gay gym culture.

Disco and the Rise of Gay Gym Culture (17:18)

And also tied to history, a 2018 article published by Bunk, which is run by the University of Richmond, cites disco as a factor in the rise of gay gym culture in the 1970s.

Now, as you may remember, in our queer history of disco episode, we talked about how disco roots began with marginalized communities, such as people of color, especially women of color, and the LGBTQ+ community in the early 70s, before becoming mainstream in the mid-70s.

So, the Bunk article states that disco brought visibility to a gay dance club aesthetic that infused the newly booming mainstream workout culture. And as a result, there was a connection between gay nightclubs and health clubs.

In the early 1970s, John Blair, who was a party promoter, opened the Body Center in Los Angeles, which he described as the first gay gym. It had Nautilus machines, tiny shorts, tube socks, and ABBA all day long.

And honestly, I feel like that describes the Planet Fitness I currently go to, minus the ABBA. Although I love a good ABBA playlist, so I would not be mad. But yeah, the tiny shorts and tube socks look has definitely come back in style over the past few years. So, I guess we're back to living in the 70s.

Anyway, back to Blair. As a party promoter, he invited his best-looking gym members to his parties to attract crowds, which in turn, sold more gym memberships. And then, in 1978, he launched another location in New York City and gave one month's free gym memberships to every cute boy he met at Studio 54. What a time to be alive.

Gym Locations (18:48)

And one more thing I'd like to note though, as we talked about those gyms popping up.

They were predominantly in cities. And the same goes for those gyms we referenced in the general history of the gym and weightlifting.

And as we know from the gay neighborhoods episode, cities tend to be more liberal places where a larger number of LGBTQ+ people reside.

Richard Simmons (19:07)

Also, something else important to LGBTQ+ gym culture in the '70s; Richard Simmons. Here's a quote from the article:

"In 1974, Richard Simmons founded the Anatomy Asylum, the Beverly Hills headquarters of a spangled fitness empire where those alienated from mainstream athletic and aesthetic culture, notably, many gay men and fat women, recall first feeling quote unquote seen. Simmons, who was often dressed in short shorts and full makeup, has never publicly discussed his sexuality. But many recall how his presence on VHS, morning shows, and later cruise ships demystified gay camp far beyond the studio."

Societal Conceptions of Masculinity (19:43)

So, throughout that whole history lesson, you can see a few factors pop up surrounding gay gym culture. Some more serious and then some more superficial.

But another factor tied to gay gym culture, and this is a more serious one, are the societal conceptions of masculinity, which affect the self-image and relationships of many gay men.

In January 2009, Psychology of Men & Masculinities, which is a peer-reviewed academic journal, published by the American Psychological Association, published a study titled reported effects of masculine ideals on gay men. So obviously, this is also a bit dated, but there were some interesting findings in it.

Now, right off the bat, the researchers note that there has been a lack of scientific research on the effects of masculine ideals on gay men. Again, this was 14 years ago, so I'd be interested to see what new research is out there, given the evolution of gender norms and roles, along with conversations about toxic masculinity.

And while I'm sure there's more research on those specific topics, I couldn't find much tied to masculinity and gay gym culture. So, with that in mind, let's get back to the study.

The researchers go on to say that most of the characteristics associated with masculinity and femininity are socially constructed, with the dominant group typically defining what appropriate behaviors are for a given gender and that subordination and marginalization of those who violate these norms are used to sustain the construct.

And they cited earlier ideology from 1976 about what masculinity was dictated by, which included these four main rules:

· Men should not be feminine

· Men must be respected and admired

· Men should never show fear

· And men should seek out risk and adventure

They also cite later research about how traditional gender role socialization leads men to struggle with four main factors of traditional masculinity, which were:

· Men should be successful, achieve power/status, and readily compete against others

· Men should restrict their emotions

· Men should restrict their affectionate behavior with other men

· And men should be work/career driven

Gay Men’s Distinct Masculinity Ideology (21:46)

But they note that, while there may be specific ideals associated with traditional masculinity, it has been proposed that there isn't a singular type of masculinity since those ideologies vary within the United States between cultural and ethnic groups.

Different groups of individuals may define masculinity differently and hold different standards for men. And one such group that has a distinct masculinity ideology is gay men. Here's an excerpt:

"Gay men are seeming to break from traditional masculinity ideology, mainly because of their affectional and sexual orientation. Consequently, the general perception is that gay men are not masculine. While such perceptions regarding gender roles are of little consequence to many gay men, there are gay men who do not perceive themselves to be feminine at all and who value traditional masculinity."

And I'm sure we've all experienced this in some way, shape, or form, whether it's us, a gay friend, or a guy we've talked to, but the amount of importance placed on masculinity can be evident in interpersonal relationships for gay men.

Interestingly enough, researchers cite in 1997 study that found that gay men who chose to use gender-specific self-descriptors were significantly biased towards stereotypically masculine traits, like being dominant, muscular, and athletic, and labels, including a masculine man, straight acting, and jock. And they see that these empirical studies on gay men's partner preferences suggest that masculinity is generally a desirable trait and that femininity is not.

And talk about a shocker. I mean, how many of us have talked to a guy on the apps who says, "Yeah, but can people tell you're gay? Do you sound gay?" Believe me. I know I'm not the only one who's experienced that, but I digress.

How Do Gay Men Define Masculinity? (23:36)

Anyway, the researchers wondered that, based off of that finding, how exactly do gay men define masculinity and femininity, especially since there were a limited number of articles on the subject, and those limited scientific literature suggests that particular groups of gay men may associate appearing tough, strong, and sexually adventurous with masculine ideals.

And there have been negative consequences reported for men who feel they don't adhere to the traditional masculine ideologies, such as feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and inferiority. And now this is pertaining to men in general, not just gay men. Here's a quote:

"Men who experienced greater conflict with traditional masculine ideals report more symptoms of psychological distress, higher degrees of shame, and are less likely to seek out help than men who experienced less conflict. Furthermore, men who are concerned about fulfilling traditional masculine ideals report greater interpersonal problems, including engaging in high-risk behaviors and experiencing more difficulties within romantic relationships than men who are not as concerned."

And it's believed that men's distress is rooted in one of the following types of gender role constraints:

· Number one strain due to beliefs that one has failed to live up to an internalized notion of masculinity.

· Number two, strain due to the tendency to persist in dysfunctional behavior because of traditional masculine ideals.

o For example, denying physical pain and neglecting to see a doctor.

· And number three strain due to trauma experienced during early gender role socialization.

o For example, shaming, bullying, and forced separation from primary caregivers.

And honestly, I can't speak for all gay men. But for myself, I can relate to all three of these, but especially numbers one and three.

Impacts of Masculinity Ideals (25:10)

Additionally, the researchers cite that gay men who are concerned with conforming to traditional masculine ideals are more likely to experience body dissatisfaction if their bodies do not meet the quote-unquote physically powerful masculine ideal, as compared to gay men less concerned with adhering to masculine ideals.

So, the researchers for this study surveyed 547 men who self-identified as gay, and the average age for them was 36 years old. They were asked a set of six open-ended questions about how they would define masculine/quote unquote butch and feminine/quote unquote femme gay men. And for both questions, participants mostly indicated that personality and physical traits were stereotypically masculine and feminine.

And for masculine, those personality and physical traits were:

· Restrictive emotionality

· Competitive

· And a muscular body

And the second most described theme for both questions related to the ability for a gay man to be quote-unquote straight acting or to be able to pass as heterosexual in public.

Now, this is interesting. Participants were also asked in what ways they felt gay men's self-images were positively and adversely affected by the ideals of masculinity in US culture. And 24%, so nearly a quarter of respondents, were unable to list how masculine ideals positively impacted their self-image.

Of those who did identify positive impacts, the most cited benefit:

· Coming in at 15%, was that masculine ideals promote physical fitness and athleticism.

· 13% believed it helped gay men succeed, especially in their careers

· And 12% suggested that traditional notions of masculinity are expanding to include more diverse representations, including gay men and quote-unquote metrosexuals.

Now, as for adverse impacts, the most cited theme came in at:

· 16%, which was that masculine ideals make many gay men feel compelled to adhere to traditional enactments of masculinity, even if it is not who they truly are.

· 13% stated that it makes achieving quote-unquote, true masculinity unattainable.

· 10% suggested that trying to be masculine may be a futile attempt, as simply being gay negates one's masculinity.

And two additional adverse implications were that:

· One, masculine ideals were also implicated in restricting gay men's emotional expression and in making gay men concerned about appearing feminine.

· And two, feeling uncomfortable with effeminate gay men.

Both of these coming in at 7%.

And here it is: 9% believed that gay men's self-images are adversely affected by the ideals of masculinity, which may cause gay men to exhibit quote unquote, obsessive gym/diet regimes, use illegal substances such as steroids, and experience body distortions as they strive to be and remain attractive.

Now, I am surprised that only 9% of gay men felt that way. And again, this study was from 2009, so I do wonder what the number would look like today, given the rise of social media and fitness influencers and quote-unquote content creators posting their thirst traps.

So, with all that being said, it's no surprise that gay men have a complicated relationship with body image.

Body Image Issues in Sexual Minority Men (28:18)

And just for a quick refresher, in last year's body image episode, we talked about how gay and bisexual men are more likely to have body image issues. In fact, according to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders:

· Gay and bisexual men experience elevated body dissatisfaction compared to heterosexual men, with up to 32% of sexual minority men reporting negative body image

· Gay men are also seven times more likely to report binge eating and 12 times more likely to report purging than heterosexual men

· Gay and bisexual boys are significantly more likely to fast, vomit, or take laxatives or diet pills to control their weight

And the Gay Therapy Center asserts that gay men experience eating disorders and body dysmorphia more than any other population except for heterosexual women.

So going off of that, gay men understandably have a complicated relationship with the gym.

Gym Class Trauma (29:10)

In a 2019 Gay Times article, author Connor Young explained that there are extra layers of anxiety and fear around entering a space that is normally reserved for traditional masculinity. Here's a quote:

"For most of us, our first experience of fitness was PE class at school, which for those who didn't fit in with the rugby boys or the tennis girls was hell. It starts with cruel jokes in the changing room about looking at the other lads and invariably ends with humiliation at not being good enough at whatever sport was the torture of the week. I can recall too many times being mocked for standing on the edge of the pitch, trying to stay out of the way, but then mocked harder for deciding to give it a go and being shit at it."

Now, as we've talked about before, a lot of queer people are bullied for being queer before they've even recognized it or processed it for themselves. And when we factor that into being in a situation like gym class at school, where we're physically vulnerable, it can create some deep-rooted anxiety.

And these early experiences with sport and fitness tend to stay with us, and many queer people end up either rejecting fitness altogether or throwing themselves at it's so hard that the journey to what they see as a perfect body never really ends.

Young cites freelance writer Jake Hall, who said that he linked sports with masculinity, and masculinity made him feel vulnerable because he knew he didn't really identify with it. So, as a result, he just disengaged from it completely.

Media Portrayal of Gay Men’s Bodies (30:33)

And when it comes to quote-unquote, the perfect body, the media tends to portray gay men as white, straight acting, masculine, and muscular. And you know, I say it all the time. But Ryan Murphy is so guilty of this.

Anyway, here's a quote from Jake Hall:

"The media perpetuates this idea that we're all toned, well-groomed and cosmopolitan. And then within gay communities, there's a real fetishization of body types that match the tribes, mainly twink, bear, and jock."

But aside from the media, this unhealthy idea of the perfect body is also perpetuated through dating apps and social media. And here's another quote from the article that I found really interesting:

"Given the rise and popularity of Instagram, influencers, and celebrity culture, there has been a dramatic shift in the body ideals of men across the board. Now, both straight and gay men feel pressure to live up to this. What we are experiencing, perhaps for the first time, is the pressure that women have had for centuries. That anyone could look like a model if perhaps they diet and exercise properly."

Homoeroticism Meets Homophobia (31:32)

And between being body conscious and this deep-rooted anxiety from gym class, many gay men found the gym to be intimidating, especially the locker rooms. The article details that gay men feared that their bodies were being judged for being too big or too small, and felt that they quote unquote, didn't belong there.

There was also anxiety over locker room changes, which stemmed from high school gym class and being afraid that they were going to be accused of checking other guys out. Another struggle gay men may encounter is that gyms are mostly heterosexual places in rural areas, which can present instances of homophobia.

Like that time in Pittsburgh when I got called a homo at the gym while I was on the seated leg curl machine. And we'll get more into gym homophobia in a minute.

But, conversely, gyms in cities may have more gay members, which in turn may create pressure for anyone who already feels like an outsider since those gay members may have already achieved what the article describes as, quote-unquote, their own gold standard of body image.

Meanwhile, in a 2018 GQ article, author David Levesley believes that gyms are places where homoeroticism and homophobia seem to rub up against each other. He writes that gyms are essentially school all over again.

He's seen quote-unquote, supremely ripped gods and tech CEOs who spend their time perfecting sculpted bodies and becoming best friends while he and other quote-unquote schlubs felt their judgmental stare as they hit the weight machines after work.

And when he's in a room with men and judged or told he's not good enough, it opens a continuum of moments from when he was the quote-unquote runt of the proverbial litter that shattered him. And one such moment he references was school gym class. Here's his quote:

“As gay men, we're very good at finding the skills that come easiest to us, refining them, and making them our repertoire of talents. When we can offer a full cabaret of quickly assembled skills, it becomes very hard for the homophobic or the homo apathetic to judge us for our sexuality when we've jumped the shark so fabulously. As a result, the moments in which we're left to be not a star, but a student, we immediately feel the gaze of a world that often knew there was something amiss with us long before we ourselves did. A world that took our ineptitudes and made them our greatest crimes. And that's the problem with gyms. They are designed for you to go in and develop through commitment and grit at completely different paces to other, more august attendees. That's a hard thing to ask us to do."

Don’t Body Shame (33:50)

So that's a lot of information to digest. And typically, I do like to end the show with a call to action, like, hey, sign this petition or do this to take care of your emotional well-being.

But with today's topic, it can be a little hard taking specific, measurable actions to combat all these issues we talked about. So, I think the biggest thing is to be a little kinder to one another, especially regarding body image and fitness.

I mean, it's 2023, and people still feel inclined to comment on other's bodies. And for someone saying it, it might not seem to be a big deal saying, oh, you look skinnier, oh, you put on some weight. But for the person on the receiving end of that comment, it could really stick with them and upset them.

And to me, it's like, what's the point of even voicing that observational opinion out loud? I mean, my personal thoughts are the only comment you should be making towards someone's body is Wow, you look great. And if you're not saying that, then keep your mouth shut because you don't know what others are going through.

Also, the gym can be an extremely intimidating place, gay or straight. So, don't make fun of people at the gym who are trying to do their own thing. Because you know, I find it really disheartening seeing those videos online of people who film others who are making mistakes at the gym.

Like we're living in this time where everyone is looking to post the next viral video or meme on social media so they can get their 15 minutes of fame. And that's whether it's at their own expense or the expense of someone else. And I'm not interested in that kind of social media culture.

So, let's all be a little kinder.

Be Kind to Your Body (35:13)

And when it comes to being a little kinder to our own bodies, here are some tips from Psychology Today. And we talked about these last year in the body image episode:

· Speak to yourself as you would speak to your best friend

· Don't be unkind about your appearance

· Challenge your critical thoughts

· Avoid focusing on the body parts that you don't like

o Instead, take a broader look at your body and look at the parts that you do like

· Don't go on a scale every day

· Moderate your exercises

· Take some time to do other fun things and hobbies that do not involve working on your fitness or body

· Have a balanced diet that includes all types of food groups, including a dessert once in a while

· Make meals a time for relaxation and fun

· Learn to love the body parts that you don't usually like

o It is all a part of self-love, self-compassion, and self-acceptance

o You don't need to have a six-pack in order to be handsome, attractive, and a worthy person

· And lastly, moderate your use of social media

Episode Closing (36:03)

And, just to close it out, I think this excerpt from the Gay Times article is really important:

"How can we come together to change all of this? The truth is there's no easy answer. But if a friend quietly hints that they want to start a fitness journey, offer encouragement, not jokes. Even a friendly jibe can bring back those early feelings of shame. Encourage and support people. And if you're confident in the gym and see someone struggling, why not approach and ask if they're looking for advice? We would all benefit from making the gym a more supportive place where the people are seen as potential friends, not competition."

And connecting it back to the tarot: Page of Pentacles in reverse. Again, this card is really indicating that either one, we're too caught up in our daydreams and not actually pushing forward with our goals, or two that we're looking to start something new, but we're not quite ready to do that yet.

And I really think this ties to gym culture in one of two ways. Like we talked about, because of a lot of the experiences we've grown up with, you know, physical activity, and especially gym culture can have a lot of anxiety rooted in it for queer men.

So, for starters, maybe we want to start our fitness journey, but we're still kind of intimidated and not quite ready for that yet. So, in that sense, we really need to kind of focus in on ourselves, reflect, and find a way to ground ourselves in the confidence we now have as adults to move past that anxiety so we can step foot into the gym if we so choose to, or find other ways to include physical activity in our lives that feel healthy to us.

And then on the flip side, when it talks about daydreaming too much instead of achieving actual goals, I think that really kind of ties into those of us who go to the gym already, but are putting an unrealistic expectation on our bodies, and are taking maybe unhealthy steps to try to achieve the quote-unquote, perfect body which spoiler alert, let me tell you that that does not exist.

And while we might be daydreaming about those goals, which is, you know, achieving this body thinking our happiness will come from that, we're distracting ourselves from what the actual goal should be. And that's to just be a healthier version of ourselves, to take care of our bodies.

And taking care of our bodies or not abusing it, trying to adhere to a certain image, it's taking actual care of your body. Making sure it has rest and recovery needed to heal, to grow, providing it, you know, healthy foods to fuel yourself with and not being so focused on the number on the scale or, you know, your percentage of body fat, but how you actually feel.

And again, with the Page of Pentacles in reverse, that's number 11 or number two in astrology because we combined double digits together. And the number two is all about making choices. So, whether it's stepping foot in the gym, trying to begin our fitness journey, or trying to just be a little bit easier on ourselves when it comes to working out, it's all about the choices we make. And we have to make sure that we're choosing, whatever the situation is, that we are taking care of our bodies.

And taking care of our bodies does not mean restricting yourself with food, going to the gym all day every day whenever you have free time. It means paying attention to your mind, body, and soul and giving it what it feels it needs in that moment to be the healthiest version of yourself. And the healthiest version of yourself, again does not indicate a certain size or certain body type. It's how you take care of your overall self.

So, there you have it. Gay gym culture, we covered a lot there, a lot of information. Like I said, it was kind of intentional to have this episode come out so close to Thanksgiving, just like I did with the gay men and body obsession episode last year, because I think, especially around the holidays, there can be a lot of anxiety around our bodies.

Because, one, we might be seeing family or friends we haven't seen in a while. If our bodies changed, we might be nervous that they might comment on it, especially when it's usually an unwanted comment. And two holidays involve a lot of food. So, we might be stressed out about adhering to our diets and all that.

But really, I think it's important that, you know, we take the time, just remember, you know, our bodies do not define us. And that is something I personally struggle with. And I'm trying to get a little bit better at it. So hopefully you found this episode helpful. I hope you can go into the holiday season, enjoying the time with your loved ones, and not worrying so much about our bodies, and realizing that our worth is far beyond what we look like.

And as I close this episode out, I do just want to thank everyone listening for the support for the last year and a half. Again, don't worry, this is not the end of the podcast. Just taking a little holiday break. I'll be back in mid-January with all new episodes for you. But yeah, thank you for the support.

Hope you'll have a great holiday season. Hope you find time to relax, spend it with your chosen family, and find ways to be excited about the new year and new steps ahead of us. And like I said, I won't be completely gone. I'll still be checking all my socials, and there'll be bonus episodes coming out. So, stay tuned for that.

Connect with A Jaded Gay (40:14)

But you know the drill, please remember to rate, review, and subscribe. You can contact me with any feedback or questions rob@ajadedgay.com.

Also, check out the website ajadedgay.com for more information about episodes, guests, and merchandise.

You can also follow the podcasts on Instagram, TikTok, SoundCloud, and YouTube @ajadedgaypod. You can follow me personally, Rob Loveless, on Instagram @rob_loveless.

Also, consider supporting the podcast on Patreon for as little as $1 a month. You get access to episodes a day early, ad-free, and monthly bonus episodes. For those who sign up for the $3 and $5 tier, you also get a t-shirt included with that and a personalized shout-out on the air. So, hey, check that out. Again, that's on Patreon @ajadedgaypod.

If you're afraid of commitment, don't worry, I get it. You can also give a one-time donation. Any dollar amount you want on Buy Me a Coffee @ajadedgaypod.

And remember every day is all we have, so you got to make your own happiness.

Mmm-bye.

Outtake (41:36)

There is a lot of background noise going on, on my street right now. So, I am really hoping the microphone does not pick this up. If you hear any horns honking or hammers banging, no you didn't.

And his views and courage individually...I guess I'll just have to talk louder and hope that my ranting overpowers the noise outside. All right, here we go.