A Jaded Gay
A Jaded Gay
16. Being an Ally (with Cheyenne Filipczyk)
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The word “ally” gets tossed around frequently, but what does it actually mean?
In this episode, Cheyenne Filipczyk joins us to discuss what it means to be an LGBTQ+ ally and how we can advocate for others in the community.
Additional Resources:
Snarky Opener (0:00)
Rob Loveless
Bitches literally be like, I love the gays, while they eat Chick-fil-A at Home Depot while wearing their MAGA hat. Like bitch, ya kidding me?
Episode Introduction (0:26)
Rob Loveless
Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay. I'm Rob Loveless, and today I am a non-jaded gay because I actually went to Macy's.
I really don't go out shopping a lot, but I got this cute little outfit. Very excited about it, and I just, I really fucking love Macy's. I cannot talk about it enough.
I have their credit card. I get coupons like every week, and it really takes every ounce of willpower not to just put myself in debt that way.
But got a nice shirt and shorts, something fun for the summertime, and it didn't break the bank. I actually got a really good deal on it and spent way less than I thought.
So, you know, looking good and not broke. So that always makes me happy. So, I'm very excited. This is the first time recording with a guest.
I have, my friend, Cheyenne Filipczyk, who I've known since elementary school. And we're going to be talking about allyship, because I feel the term ally is something that gets thrown around a lot, especially during Pride.
Straight people love to show their little, you know, ally stickers on their Facebook profile pictures. But when it comes down to allyship, what does that actually mean?
You know, can, are you an ally just because you accept gay people and you have gay friends, or do you need to do more? Do you need to speak up and take action to be a true ally?
So, we're just gonna have a little conversation around that today. But before we do, I'm going to pull the tarot card for this episode.
Tarot (1:36)
Rob Loveless
Okay, so the card we drew is the 10 of Wands, which Wands, if you don't remember, it's tied to the element of fire. It's masculine energy, so it's very action-oriented.
And typically, Wands is tied to passion, creativity, things that drive us, that we desire to achieve. And in numerology, the number 10 depicts the ending of a cycle.
You can think of the numbers, you know, we've talked about it, one through nine, typically, and 10 represents the end of that cycle.
But in numerology, when it comes to double digits, you actually add them together. So, if you take the one plus zero, you get one, which is the start of a new chapter and a new beginning.
Also tied to the individual. So, this is really showing us that we're at the completion of a cycle. And the key meaning associated with this card is that we're feeling overwhelmed or burdened.
Basically, it could be indicating that we're carrying too many responsibilities and it's wearing down on us. So, it's letting us know that we're really overwhelmed and we're taking on too much.
And because of that, we need to consider what our motivations are. You know, what are we working towards? Why are we driving ourselves so hard?
Is it something that we want to do and something we want to achieve, or is it something we feel we need to achieve, to achieve some sense of validation?
And I think it's also important to assess, you know, is this something we have to do alone, or can we take an opportunity to look around us, see who we're surrounding ourselves with, and see, you know, who we can you know, reach out to for support and help during this time?
And while we're assessing what we actually want to achieve and who we can rely on, we need to find a way to prioritize. What's the most pertinent?
What do we need to achieve now? What can we wait for? What can we take some time to work on in the future? And it's not just even the tasks at hand. We need to prioritize our goals.
We need to see what we're working towards and what we want to achieve. What will make us happy in our lives? So, this card's indicating we're tired. We're exhausted.
We're reaching that breaking point, and we can't just reflect on how we're feeling. We need to take action and take steps to support ourselves during this time, whether it's giving yourself a break, or prioritizing what task you need to achieve now to not feel so overwhelmed.
Or who you can even reach out to for support during this time.
And I think that's going to be a really nice tie-in as we talk about allyship and what it means, because obviously we've talked about LGBTQ+ equality, the history of that in some past episodes, and really, we've learned that it's something that, unfortunately, our community is not able to just rely on our own voices to move forward.
We have had to rely on corporations and straight allies to help push our movement forward as we continue to work towards equality.
So, it's really important that we're not just always carrying this burden with us and that we're able to find support. But we need to find that true and genuine support.
Guest Introduction (3:59)
Rob Loveless
So, like I said today, I am very excited to have my friend Cheyenne Filipczyk with me today. She is a business owner and badass. I am very excited to welcome my friend, Cheyenne.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Hi, thanks for having me in your closet.
Rob Loveless
Oh, isn't it cozy?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
It's nice to be in here.
Rob Loveless
Oh, I know.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Very warm.
Rob Loveless
Yes. Recording in the summertime. I mean, I can't move my arms because I don't want to offend you. I'm very sweaty.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
It's intimate. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Rob Loveless
I know it's it's just lovely. I don't know if I smell you or me right now both of us combine. We're going to put on face masks later, we'll smell good.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Yeah.
Rob Loveless
So Cheyenne, just before we kick it off, can you introduce yourself? Tell us a little bit about you. You know what you identify as, pronouns, all that fun stuff.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
My name is Cheyenne Filipczyk. I go by she/her. I'm a business owner. I'm closing in on 30, which is exciting. And I am an animal lover, so that's what takes up my life at this point.
Rob Loveless
Awesome. All good things. So, before we get into it, can you tell me? Obviously, you know, my little thing is the jaded/non-jaded gay. So today, are you an honorary jaded or honorary non-jaded gay?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I would say unjaded today.
Rob Loveless
Honorary unjaded. And why is that?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
It's been a great day. Nothing is affecting me. All of the all of the Pride flags I've been seeing just really lift me up. So, it's a good it's a good Saturday. I ate a lot.
Rob Loveless
Oh my god, yeah, food's good. We're gonna have wine after this and build a shed. So just a really great day, really great day. I put her to work when she's here. She didn't even want to do this podcast.
All right. So anyway, let's talk about allyship. So first off, you know, just in your own words, Cheyenne, what do you think allyship means to you? No right or wrong answer, just to you.
First off, would you consider yourself an ally?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Yes, definitely, okay.
What is Allyship? (5:42)
Rob Loveless
And that being said, what does allyship mean to you?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
So, I think it means supporting anyone who is in the LGBTQIA+ community. And I think that goes beyond, you know, just Pride month.
I think it's really making sure you're, you know, focusing on resources that can help them with mental health. I think it's important to shop from local, queer-owned businesses.
Anything that has to do with speaking up and supporting the equality of the community.
Rob Loveless
Yeah, I think it's all really great. And I think, you know, you call that too, which is important. It's not just in June, because that's something we always see a lot.
Of course, everybody loves, you know, partying with the LGBTQ+ community during June and during Pride Month.
And you see it whether it's corporations or straight allies, but it's like, how many of those people are actually paying attention to the headlines year-round?
And I mean, I don't want to put that on them, because I even feel too as an LGBTQ+ person, you know, you don't see these things in the mainstream media as much.
Like, unless you're specifically looking for things, you know, whether it's policies or, you know, controversies, you know, with businesses or whatever, affecting the LGBTQ+ community, it's not always.
It's kind of rare, I think that it kind of surfaces to that, like, you know, top headline level of the mainstream.
So just, you know, going off of that, I was doing a little research according to ReachOut, which is an online mental health service for young people and their parents in Australia, it says that allyship is someone who stands up for, supports, and encourages the people around them.
And additionally, they state that being an ally means supporting equal rights for everyone, regardless of race, sexual orientation, gender, or religion, doing what you can to call out discrimination and to fight for equality, and trying to make the world a better place for anyone who identifies as LGBTQIA+.
Also, GLAAD, they published a list of 10 ways to be an ally and a friend. And what they listed was:
· You can be a listener, be open-minded, be willing to talk, be inclusive, and invite LGBT friends to hang out with your friends and family.
· Don't assume that all your friends and coworkers are straight. Someone close to you could be looking for support in their coming out process. So, by not making assumptions, you'll be giving them the space they need.
· Anti-LGBTQ comments and jokes are harmful. So let your friends, family, and coworkers know that you find them offensive.
· Confront your own prejudices and bias, even if it is uncomfortable to do so
· Defend your LGBT friends against discrimination.
· Believe that all people, regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation, should be treated with dignity and respect.
· And lastly, if you see LGBT people being misrepresented in the media, contact GLAAD, because they apparently will do something which is good.
Anyway, I feel like, you know, I'm glad you said you identify as an ally because I definitely agree with that. I mean, I feel like you've always been someone who's been socially aware, even, like in high school.
And I remember like, when I came out, you never just viewed me as, like, you know, a gay best friend or GBF. Like, you know, some people do like, oh, I just want a gay shopping buddy.
It wasn't anything like that. Like I was still just like your friend who was also gay like it had nothing to change with our dynamic, which I think is the way it should be.
So, like I said, I consider you to be an ally because I think you check the box for all those things.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Thank you.
Rob Loveless
Of course. So, I guess really to kind of like, kick off the conversation then, when do you remember first starting to speak up for LGBTQ+ people?
Because the reason I'm asking is I remember in high school, like, you know, my family was religious and it wasn't spoken about, but because it wasn't spoken about, you know, you kind of just got the assumption that it's not good.
Um, so I always kind of had this, like, you know, weight on me in high school and being afraid to, like, associate with gay people because I didn't want to be thought of as being gay.
But I think, like, even in high school, like you were pretty, even though there weren't a lot of like, out people in our high school, I think you were someone who's still pretty accepting of that.
So, you know, sorry, ask you a question that went on a long-winded rant. Anyway, like I said, when do you first remember, like, you know, feeling like a supporter of the LGBTQ+ community?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
So, the very first time I remember anything coming up that made me quite emotional was when that whole thing was happening with the military. What was it? Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I remember.
Rob Loveless
Yeah, that was the 90s with Clinton, I think.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Well, I remember talking about it in high school, and I was sitting at the dinner table with my mom and my two brothers.
And for some reason that topic came up, and my brothers were making some asshole comments about if they were ever in the military, they would, I think one of the comments was something about beating one of them up.
Of course, that's horrible. And I was crying, and my mom told me that I was too soft and that, that wasn't the right way to be.
And I think it was at that time that I realized that, you know, someone has to be in their corner, because no one should be made to feel that way. So, it had to be, I would say maybe 15.
It really came to me that that's just not the way you should treat people, and anyone should be able to feel or love whoever they want to.
And I don't know why I remember that dinner conversation so much, but the feeling that comes over you when you really care about something is it just it will always be with you.
Rob Loveless
Yeah. And like, I said, like, I mean, in high school, because, again, not that, like, I was like, anti-gay. I was just closeted and scared.
But like, you know, it wasn't something that, like, I ever wanted to talk about, or even, like, consider ideas of, like, you know, talk about, you know, a guy who had a boyfriend, or talk about anything, you know, LGBTQ+ related, because there was that fear of association.
But I felt like there was never that like, obstacle with you. Like you were just, like, open about talking about it. You know, you were there, like you said, you want to be in the corner for anyone.
You know, you're pretty aware of, you know, social issues in general, but specifically with LGBTQ+ equality like you know, you, it wasn't something you shied away from.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
For sure. I think there was also something happening with me as well, where I knew that I was feeling attracted to women at the time, and it wasn't that I ever felt the need to put any kind of label on it.
It was just I knew that I had feelings for boys. I knew I had feelings for girls, and I only ever acted on boys because that was what you did.
So, it took really coming into my middle to late 20s to realize that it was okay, and I think that all of that allyship has really strengthened, especially in the past few years, because you would think we would progress, but we are not.
I mean, we are in a lot of things, but still a struggle.
Rob Loveless
Yeah, definitely. And, you know, I know you're you brought up, you know, your own attractions towards women and things like that.
You know what, I guess, kind of support have you felt in terms of allyship, from, you know, those around you? You know, whether it's, do you feel like you have a sense of like, allyship?
Again, obviously, I know you said this was something you kind of, you know, explored and discovered a little bit in your like, mid to later 20s, but you know, I guess, how do you feel support then on your own from, you know, people around you for that?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
So, I have never made it a point to be out. It wasn't because I was scared or had any negative feelings towards it. It just I really only dated men, so I had no reason to have to feel the need to defend myself, almost, if that makes sense.
But everybody who knows now are very close friends like you, of course, who would support that no doubt.
A lot of my family, I don't believe knows. So, I think as far as, like my close-knit friends, it's similar to what you're saying for me. There was no question.
There's no are you sure you know, is this really what you want? It was just okay. So, what are we getting for dinner? You know, like, that's how it is.
Rob Loveless
And hopefully not Chick-fil-A.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Yeah.
Awareness of LGBTQ+ Issues (12:57)
Rob Loveless
So, you know, obviously, there's a lot going on in the world. Especially right now, 2022 we're getting into the midterms. So, it's just political ads all the time. I want to fucking barf when I see that.
But you know, in the past two years, being in the pandemic, there was so much with the 2020 election and the Black Lives Matter movement and covid and just it's news information overload.
And it's all important things we need to be up to date on. But because of that, you know, like I said earlier, I feel that sometimes LGBTQ+ issues fall through the cracks, and they don't get the attention they deserve.
You know, I saw a funny meme during the vice presidential debate in 2020 where there was that fly that landed on Mike Pence's head because he's so full of shit. You know, flies drawn to shit.
But it landed on his head. And, like, you know, obviously, all these memes and all that.
But there was a post that came out that said, you know, the sad truth is this fly on Mike Pence's head got more air time in the 2020 election than LGBTQ+ issues did. And that's completely true.
Because honestly, I don't, and I'm not saying this definitively, because I may not recall. I might have not been aware of that, but from the debates I saw, there was never any mention of the LGBTQ+ community in there.
I think there was a little Pride campaign that Trump had his daughter Tiffany throw, which was like a slap in the face. It was really cringeworthy. It was like the oh, I have a gay friend, so I can't be homophobic, you know?
But I don't think there were any real conversations about issues facing the LGBTQ+ community at that time.
So again, another long-winded rant, but with everything going on, you know, how do you stay up to date on things that are affecting the community, you know, whether it's personally in your neighborhood or, you know, across the country?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
So, I think for me, I really try to focus on following the right kind of news. Not only what is my, what are my beliefs, but kind of following a more neutral ground.
So, I mean, a lot of times I'm just trying to find businesses that I can support or organizations I can donate to. I think it really has a lot to do with realizing your own privilege, too.
And so, to add to that, a little bit of expansion, I guess I think that the problem is we're so easily entertained.
So, it's really, you know, think of the apps that you're using, Instagram, TikTok, you're watching 30-second, 60-second clips of something.
And if you go on that for more than a half hour, you don't remember what you went on there to start with. And I think that's really what a lot of the news is.
You're seeing such short things that are just entertaining us at the moment, and then you switch to the next channel, or you go to your next app, and you're onto something else already.
So really, just constantly keeping up to date, you know, set a reminder on your phone to check you know what's happening now or around you, and really just keeping up with it.
Rob Loveless
Yeah, I think that's a good point too, because you know, kind of about your point of, uh, you know, like, where you have kind of shorter attention spans.
You know, my grandmother just sits at home and watches the news all day, and she goes from one station to the next, and she has her own beliefs about things.
But she's like, oh, these news stations are saying different things about each other. You can't believe this or this. They're not giving us all the information.
The problem is, like, there is so much going on in the world. So, when you get the headline, you get, you know, the little bite of like, knowledge, there.
You get, like, 30 seconds. I really feel it's up to us individually, to, you know, you're not going to get the full story in 30 seconds.
And I don't think that's, you know, the media lying to us like people like to chalk it up to. It's just, that's how it works. That's 30 seconds of, here's what's the update on the story going on to something else.
And it's up to us to do our homework and do our research. And not on Facebook, by any means.
But I mean, like, you know, you see a headline and you're curious about it, look online to see what's going on, because odds are, you know that story's been covered already a little bit.
So, there's some background information there. You know, things get updated. It's not just, you can't just rely on a 30-second news story to consider yourself informed on a complete conversation.
And I think, you know, going off of the, you know, LGBTQ+ issues, there are a lot of queer-focused news outlets. I know there's Queerty, The Advocate, I think The Advocate's UK-based, there's quite a few that I follow, and I get headlines from that.
And, you know, it's, it's really, they're the ones that are really kind of like the watchdog keeping an eye out on these things.
Because if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't even be as aware of, you know, certain things. You know, doing this podcast, researching the topics I've done, I always try to pull from, like, legitimate sources, like, whether it's, you know, a study or an actual, like, history document or something.
But I've learned a lot and things that you know were not taught to us in school, you know, in terms of history, or things that you know really don't get covered too much on the news, that if I was straight, I probably would not be aware of that, you know.
And I think there's things that even you know, family members of mine and some friends of mine don't realize.
You know, like, things like the ban on blood donations for gay men, that is still a thing in 2022 you know, that's based off of such, you know, outdated criteria.
You know, I've had somebody who saw the movie Bohemian Rhapsody, and afterwards we're talking about it, you know, and Freddie Mercury's death, and saying I was crazy, like, in the 80s, I think that was really a thing.
Like, people, you know, we're going, like, these sex clubs, blah, blah, blah. But, like, it's crazy. Like, AIDS just kind of went away. And it's like, no, it didn't. Maybe for you because you're straight and you're not hearing about this.
But I mean, not even for the gay community, for other countries, you know, like, I know, especially in Africa, like, this is still an epidemic for people, and I think, you know, it's something that the LGBTQ+ community here is very aware of as it affects them.
But straight people, kind of, you know, it's out of the newsroom, so out of sight, out of mind.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I was just going to add to that. You know, think about your algorithm. If I go on Instagram and I look up I want to find a plant page, the next few days, all I'm going to see are plants.
So, if you are telling someone that you're doing your research, I say that heavily with quotes, but you're only, you only saw an article on Facebook from Fox News that's not research.
If you're, you know, looking only looking on one side of things. That's all that's going to come to you. So really make sure that you are finding that neutral ground to, you know, see both sides.
Even if it's not something that you like. You know, like, look at other ideas and get a sense of a whole before you go and try to have an argument with someone.
Rob Loveless
And I think, you know, going back to doing your research, it goes, you know, it goes both ways, because I saw, I remember, I think it was last year I saw a meme about something about a corporation, and said something pretty damning about them in terms of, you know, negativity towards the LGBTQ+ community.
And it's easy to see that Instagram post or whatever and say, oh my God, let me share this. This is terrible. So, I googled it to do some research on it.
And, you know, I checked Snopes, which I think it does a pretty good job of kind of like keeping a balanced view on, like, what's true, what's not.
But I looked on Snopes, I looked on a few other sites, and it turns out that, like, there was a sprinkle of truth in that post, but it was a major, you know, exaggeration of what the actual story was.
And, I mean, that's something, you know, even for myself, I need to confront. Like, I can't just jump to something because it supports your belief.
That's why I'm saying, you know, with those news stories, when you hear that 30-second news story, do your homework, do your research to see what conversations are actually happening around this.
Because it's easy to just say, well, this headline supports my belief, but that's just like the tip of the iceberg there, you know?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Sure, and that really makes sense, because negative news is spread so much more quickly, too, so.
Rob Loveless
And I think too, you know, as you know, like for me, for somebody who, you know, looks to The Advocate, or, you know, Queerty you know, I do follow them on Instagram. Um. And I do.
They weren't, by the way, they weren't the ones who published, that meme, it was just some random account that had popped up in my algorithm because it knows gay, and it's like, hey, let's, you're, you're a jaded gay. Let's make you a little bit more angry.
We can fuel the fire, but, um, but I do follow them, and like, you know, they do always have the links to their stories in there. But it's something that has helped raise awareness for myself as a gay man.
But also, I think it's important that as we're aware of these stories to share them with those who may not be. You know, that's why I like doing this podcast.
I've covered topics that I've learned a lot, but my parents listen and, you know, I'm able to kind of present something to them that they might have not been aware of either.
And you know, when I see these, you know, specific articles, because before I started this, you know, I'd see specific articles, and there were times I would tell, you know, a friend or family member like, well, this is something that affects my community.
And they're like, oh, I can't believe that that doesn't seem real. But it is, you know, it doesn't seem real because it, you know, certain things are ridiculous.
Like the fact that up until 2020, gay people could legally be discriminated in the workplace, like that seems unreal, but it was a reality.
So, I would, you know, find those stories, and I'd share them with, you know, my parents or my friends. You know, people who, not that they doubted me but didn't have their eyes open to the real issue.
And, you know, having this, you know, podcast, it's been another way to kind of share that awareness with, you know, some of my straight friends and my family who aren't aware of those things.
So, I think you know, as you know, members of the community, it's really important that we're not only keeping ourselves knowledgeable and aware but that we're sharing that with those who love us, who want to support us because if they want to be a true ally, they should be embracing that and being open to those conversations.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I think the other side of it when you think about being an ally, it doesn't mean you have to change everyone's mind that doesn't agree with you. Just work on finding people who are willing to listen.
That's all. We watched that really interesting video on YouTube, and it was this video where the teens are conservative and the parents are liberal, and they have this really great conversation.
It gets a little heated. It'll make you have all the feels. But the one conservative teen made a comment that he doesn't necessarily agree because of his beliefs, or whatever it is that you know, a man should love a man, whatever, but he's like, I just don't talk about it.
It's if that's the way they want to live their life, then that's okay. But I'm not out here trying to force the opposite.
And I think that's just a really good point because while I might not necessarily agree with him, it's just a matter of, you know, I, you don't want to eat a Chick-fil-A. Someone else is going to eat a Chick-fil-A.
You don't have to put it all over Facebook and say, I hate them so much. That doesn't make them bad. You just don't like them.
Rob Loveless
I think it makes them bad. I mean, I tell my friends, I'm like, What the fuck you doing to me?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Maybe Chick-fil-A was a poor example.
Rob Loveless
Terrible example, terrible. By the way, this episode is sponsored by Chick-fil-A. Just kidding, no. And, yeah, it's important too, because I think I quoted this in one of the other episodes.
And I think, like, the most recent information I could find about was from 2009 which is super outdated, but, you know, I've heard this said since then. I've seen it in that study.
I'll have to see if I can dig it up to put on the show notes here. But basically, it's like, you know, just by somebody knowing an LGBTQ+ person can change their opinion, like, in a positive way about the community.
Because, you know, I think for people who you know, may not know some you know we talked about as an ally, you can't just assume all your friends and family, everyone around you is straight.
Give them the space they need to be themselves. But I think for people who do assume that they're surrounded by straight people, any LGBTQ+ issues, well, yeah, maybe that sucks that there's workplace discrimination or this or that, but it doesn't really affect me.
Doesn't affect anybody I know, and I'm going to have a different view of things. Whereas, you know, if you have a child who comes out to you, or a friend, or, you know, a family member, it brings it closer to home, and it can change your, your perception of things.
So, I think that's important too, that you know by sharing your views, even though it may not change someone's opinions, it definitely helps open the door for a further conversation, and it can impact their perspective of things in the long run.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Sure.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words (23:35)
Rob Loveless
And kind of a little bit lighter here I know we were just on Facebook and we saw someone we both know from high school at a Pride event wearing a rainbow shirt and saying, Happy Pride from your favorite ally.
I'm not sure if I'd say she's my favorite ally, like, I think there's some other like pop icons that might be my favorite ally.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Sure, she's no one's favorite ally.
Rob Loveless
No, no. And, I mean, don't get me wrong, nice enough girl, but she's certainly not my favorite ally. And I kind of doubt saying she's even an ally, because, again, haven't talked to her since high school.
She was fine then, but like, you're wearing a rainbow shirt at a Pride event, which is an event where you're just drinking and hanging out with gays.
And that's another thing I want to cover is I haven't done the gay bar episode yet. I definitely want to do an episode on that. But one thing is, today, gay bars are almost kind of like a novelty for bachelorette parties.
And it's kind of a little disrespectful, because, I mean, obviously, you know, if, if you and I were to go to a gay bar, that'd be totally different. We're two friends hanging out. You're coming with me, whatever.
But when you get a group of women, and I shouldn't even say group of women, when you get a group of people who are not a part of the gay community, who want to be surrounded at a gay bar because of the novelty appeal, and it kind of goes back to like, the representation issue of, you know, having these stereotypical sassy gay best friend in the 90s shows.
When you're trying to find that dynamic, that's just kind of a disrespect there. And I feel like that's kind of what, that's, at least what I viewed that photo as.
You know, because I am not aware of her, and I don't know if she'd even amplify this on Facebook, but I'm not aware of her, you know, speaking up when there were issues facing the LGBTQ+ community.
And again, it's Facebook. Give her the benefit of the doubt, because it is just social media.
But I think it's kind of a little ballsy to just throw that ally title on yourself because you're wearing a rainbow shirt and getting drunk at Pride with your gays.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Sure, I was going to disagree, but then also agree, because, you know, while she might have put that up, you don't see where she's donating.
You know, I make plenty of donations, but I don't want to be the person who says, hey guys, I just donated to the Trevor Project today, and I just, you know, you don't want to be doing that.
But I do agree with you, because while you're not seeing every side of someone on their social media, you should be using your influence, not just with a picture of you in a rainbow shirt.
You know, use your influence to help lift up the voices of people who need to do that.
Because think about the amount of people out there who aren't comfortable putting their picture up on Facebook, who just want to say, Hey, I'm Cheyenne and I'm bisexual.
Rob Loveless
And that's a good point too, because, you know, I guess obviously, you know, like you said, you're not going to be like saying, oh, I'm donating left and right here and there.
But I guess too, it was just the standalone picture of, like, the fun part of Pride. The parade, which is, you know, like, obviously, Pride is rooted in politics.
But, you know, there has been some debate by some members of the community, is it too much of a party? How should it be celebrated?
To each their own, but for somebody to kind of show up at the larger, more fun celebration, to claim they're an ally. Great that you're here celebrating with us.
But what are you doing, kind of, like you said, year-round, beyond June, what are you doing to support the community? Are you staying aware of things in the news? Are you signing petitions for things?
And I think too, because, you know, and she's not the only one. I mean, I see people every June, you know, who add that, you know, Facebook has the stickers you can add.
They add the ally sticker to their profile picture, which, again, is great. It's nice to know there's those safe spaces out there.
But you know, how is seeing somebody that I know from high school and barely even spoke to in high school who has an ally sticker on their Facebook profile, how is that not helping me personally, but helping the community I'm a part of as an adult?
It's a nice gesture, but there's a difference between a gesture and actually taking action.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Yeah. No shame on her, because we don't know what she's doing in the background. But really, you have to think, what was the point of that? That's what I think it comes down to.
Rob Loveless
Exactly. And in general, you know, our generation, we really did not get, at least at our school, we didn't get any LGBT history, you know. We didn't get a gay sex education. We barely got sex education.
But like, there was no, you know, talk about, you know, gay sex education. There was no gay history. There was really no talk about gay at all. You know, we, I don't even think we had a gay-straight alliance.
I don't know if we did. But yeah, we didn't get those history lessons. So, it's like, obviously you can't blame somebody who's not part of the LGBTQ+ community for not being aware of issues that have historically faced the community.
But I do still think we all need to be aware. And again, there's a lot going on in the news, but we can't just always be in our own bubble.
You know, whether it's racial issues, issues on gender identity and sexual orientation.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
You know what you have to do? You have to understand your privilege and you have to do your research. That's really what it comes down to.
Rob Loveless
Exactly. So, if you're you know all the straight listeners out there who, I don't know how many there are. I don't even know how many listeners there are.
So, for all five of you listening. No, but for any straight person out there, you know, definitely, you know, I'm not saying don't show your support. Show that ally sticker. Go to Pride. That's great.
But you know, you need to do your research and understand your privilege. And, you know, try to find ways, even just small ways.
If you hear somebody saying something homophobic at work, or somebody just kind of sits there because it doesn't impact you personally.
Like, a good way to be an ally, like, just speak up and tell them to cut the shit.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
You shut that shit down.
Rob Loveless
Shut it down, which, again, is easier said than done. But still, you know, it's like, it's great to celebrate with the LGBTQ+ community during Pride but that isn't enough to just be an ally.
You know, we really need the support year-round, whether it's just remaining aware of what's going on in the news, donations to LGBTQ+ organizations.
Even, you know, going to protests or, you know, signing petitions or whatever, just getting drunk during Pride once isn't enough to be an ally.
Allyship Test (28:43)
Rob Loveless
So, to kind of round out this episode, Cheyenne, I do want to test some of your LGBTQ+ knowledge here.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I'm a nervous... I sweat when I'm put on the spot. So.
Rob Loveless
Well, I mean, it's okay. We're in this, we're in this closet that has no ventilation, so I can't tell if you're sweating because of that or this.
So, we have two quizzes. One is from the AARP, which is kind of surprising.
But so, when did the first protest for gay rights in Washington DC occur? 1955, 1965, 1975, or 1985?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
1975.
Rob Loveless
I can already tell you, you're wrong. It was 1965.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Why am I surprised? I feel like I was going for a later date.
Rob Loveless
Well, and I think, too, the one thing is, a lot of people, 1970 was the first kind of, like Pride March, because it was a year after the Stonewall Riots.
But there was a lot of work actually, previously, before that. Actually, if you haven't already, The Deviant's War by Dr Eric Cervini. Great book about the fight for equality leading up to Stonewall, because there's so much history there that was really interesting.
A really great book. A lot of information. Actually, I got it for my dad for Christmas, and he really enjoyed it. But. So, one wrong. No pressure, but let's see.
You know if we're going to keep your ally status at the end of this episode.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Hey, if I, if I get them all wrong, that just means I need to do more research.
Rob Loveless
Yes, exactly. So, question two, what group staged a 1966 sip-in at a New York bar to challenge a ban on serving alcohol to gays?
The Mattachine Society, Daughters of Bilitis, NACHO, or National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I'm gonna say the first one.
Rob Loveless
The Mattachine Society? That's who I was thinking. Woo-hoo, you got it right!
That's a great soundbite. Nobody, like nobody can see that says correct. They just hear me shouting like Vicki from Real Housewives, whoop it up. Whoop it up, Michael.
Um, deep cut for anybody who knows Vicki Gunvalson from Real Housewives of Orange County. Anyway, um, yeah.
So, this is actually The Mattachine Society was covered in that book, The Deviant's War I was telling you about. So that's why I was leaning towards that.
Daughters of Bilitis was also a group that they mentioned in there quite a bit.
Question three, in what city did the Stonewall Riots break out on June 28, 1969, the start of the gay rights movement? Miami, New York City, San Francisco, or Washington, DC? Say the answer.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I'm gonna say San Francisco.
Rob Loveless
San Francisco. Wrong. It's New York City. Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village. Come on. Come on.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I know about it.
Rob Loveless
So, you have one right.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Great.
Rob Loveless
Oh, I already gave you the answer to this. When was the nation's first gay Pride parade? 1965, 1970, 1975, or 1980.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
1970
Rob Loveless
Yep. Took place on June 28 in New York. New York where the Stonewall Riots happened, you stupid bitch.
Okay, next question. What university opened the first office for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender students?
Brandeis University, New York University, University of California, Berkeley, or University of Michigan?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Do you know this?
Rob Loveless
No, but I'm gonna say definitely not Michigan, because I don't think that's. I feel like they're not as liberal as New York and California.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I was gonna say California.
Rob Loveless
California. Let's see. Oh, my God, it was the University of Michigan.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Look at that.
Rob Loveless
Interesting. And it was called the Gay Advocate's Office, and it opened in 1971. A year after the first Pride March in New York, where the Stonewall Riots happened. Just all circles back.
Okay, in what 1983 case, did the US Supreme Court rule that the constitutional right to privacy did not extend to same-sex relations? Doe v Reed, Bowers v Hardwick, Romer v Evans, or Beahr V Lewen.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I don't know. I never heard of this.
Rob Loveless
I honestly have never heard of this case either.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Okay, so pick an answer so we can learn something.
Rob Loveless
1983. What sounds like a name from 1983?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Hardwick.
Rob Loveless
Hardwick. Oh, we were right! The ruling upheld...this is how I got into a good school. I just guessed on my SATS.
The ruling upheld Georgia's ban on oral and anal sex. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Yeah, and how many straight people broke that law? Huh, Georgia?
That one was a deep cut. I didn't know that either, but we got right.
Okay, this one, you should know. Whose murder spurred Congress to pass legislation later vetoed by President George W Bush that would have protected gays under federal hate crime laws?
Alan Shepard, Jack Sheppard, Jean Shepherd, or Matthew Shepard.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Matthew Shepard.
Rob Loveless
Yes, in 1998 the University of Wyoming student was tortured, tied to a fence, and left to die. And I'm definitely doing a full episode on that at a later date.
Okay, in 2000 this state became the first to legalize civil unions. California, Maine, Massachusetts, or Vermont.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
How about Massachusetts?
Rob Loveless
I think that's it. If not, it's Vermont.
Yeah, Vermont.
The law followed a ruling by the Vermont Supreme Court that required the state to grant same-sex couples the same rights and privileges accorded to married couples.
In this landmark ruling from 2015, the Supreme Court ruled five-four that same-sex couples could marry and receive the same rights as heterosexual couples.
Obergefell v Hodges, Romer V Evans, United States v Windsor, or Bostock v Clayton County.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Let's do Hodges.
Rob Loveless
Very good. The court ruled there is no lawful basis for states to refuse to recognize a lawful same-sex marriage. Last question for this one.
In 2009, President Barack Obama invited this man who was fired from his government job in the 1950s for being openly gay to the signing ceremony for a presidential order barring discrimination in federal benefits.
I know this one. Choices are Harold Foster. Frank Kameny, Elliot Sanderson, or Morris Williams.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Let's do Harold Foster.
Rob Loveless
You're wrong.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Goddammit.
Rob Loveless
Frank Kameny. Frank Kameny, a key player in the birth of the gay rights movement, died in 2011 at the age of 86. So that was interesting.
I actually learned a little bit from that too. I got some wrong. I mean, I knew more than you, but I got some wrong.
So, see, even if you're part of the community, you need to do your research.
Rob Loveless
So anyway, kind of closing out on a lighter note, there is one other quiz I want to test you one titled, there is literally no way you're going to pass this quiz if you're straight from BuzzFeed, by Matt Stopera.
I love him. If you don't know, if you read any Britney Spears article or quiz on Buzzfeed, it's probably by Matt Stopera.
So, I went through this quiz before, and this was cracking me up, and it's kind of like, based off of, like, some stereotypes.
So maybe you'll get some. It's pretty funny, though.
Okay, what movie is this blurry screencap from? And yes, I know the answer. The First Wives Club, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, or Waiting to Exhale.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I do not know what that is.
Rob Loveless
Any of them?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Nope.
Rob Loveless
Okay, and I knew this move like, I don't know this because of the quiz. I knew this because I've seen this movie. Do you want to take a guess?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
How about The First Wives Club?
Rob Loveless
Yeah.
Who are these women? The Pussycat Dolls, Danity Kane, or Girls Aloud?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
The Pussycat Dolls.
Rob Loveless
Yes. And obviously, this quiz is not great for the people at home, because you can't see these visuals.
But for the gays, you'll know it's the Buttons music video when they're all on that little, what is it like? The balance beam?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Bar pole?
Rob Loveless
Yeah. Which? Which Carly Ray Jepsen album will gays never shut the fuck up about? Tug of War, Kiss, or Emotion?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I'm gonna say Kiss. I have no idea.
Rob Loveless
You're wrong. So, Kiss is the one. It's Emotion. That's the album with, do you know the song Run Away with Me?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
No.
Rob Loveless
Okay. There was also a video that's like, sounds gays will get and it's like, it starts off like it's one of those things. Like, you know, the sound of it from the beginning. It's like... I don't know how to describe it.
It's, it's a good album, but it's like a gay album. It's good.
Okay, which coffee is gayer? Hot or iced?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Iced.
Rob Loveless
Duh. Absolutely correct. I just don't have time to wait for coffee to, like, cool.
Who is this? Stacy Orrico, is that how you pronounce that name? I don't know. Samantha Mumba or Paula Cole?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I don't know.
Rob Loveless
It's Stacey Orrico. You meet a gay.
You meet a gay person for the eighth time. Do they know your name? Yes, gays never forget or never?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Never?
Rob Loveless
Yeah. Uh, okay, which of the following people is most likely not gay? Now, just for everyone, it's a pose of four people sitting on couches. So which one do you think is not gay based on the way they're sitting?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Bottom right?
Rob Loveless
Yeah. It's just a guy sitting like, kind of like manspreading. All the others are kind of just like not sitting on the chair. They're just like lounging in it.
Which of the following will you not get from working, bitch? Hot body, Bugatti, Maserati, Lamborghini, sip martinis, look hot in a bikini, live fancy, live in a big mansion, party in France, or own a yacht. Which one?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
That one?
Rob Loveless
Party in France? You stupid, bitch. Own a yacht. Do you not know the lyrics to Work Bitch?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
No, I should with how much you sing it.
Rob Loveless
It's on my gym playlist. I know some of the choreography. Not well, but I know it.
Which of these people is most likely gay? It's two people standing and we're just, it's a picture of their legs and their feet.
So, do you think the person who's staying with their feet crossed is gay, or the person standing with their feet at like shoulder distance apart is gay?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Crossed.
Rob Loveless
Crossed. Correct. Finish this line: Lady Gaga is Italian or Greek?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Greek.
Rob Loveless
Are you fucking kidding me?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I don't fucking know.
Rob Loveless
She like says all the time, I'm just a small-town girl, Italian girl from New York City.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Gaga and Britney are the ones I messed up on. I feel horrible.
Rob Loveless
Her name is Stefani Germanotta.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I know her as Lady Gaga.
Rob Loveless
Well, apparently you don't know her that much as Lady Gaga.
Which Wikipedia section would a gay person go to first? Career or personal life?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Personal life.
Rob Loveless
It's true. I do.
Which of the following is not a gay superpower? Walking fast, telepathic communication with other gays, being on time, being the favorite amongst your aunts?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Being on time?
Rob Loveless
Yeah, because you need to stop for your iced coffee first.
Which video game character is a gay person most likely to pick? Wario, and this is from the Mario games. Wario, Princess Peach, Mario, or Bowser?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Peach.
Rob Loveless
Obviously. Okay, but in Super Smash Bros Melee, like, she has this awesome move where, like, you do a hip like, bop with somebody, but there's like, a bomb so it explodes on them.
Like, why would you not choose that?
Pick the gay going through it. We have the man with the bleached hair and neck tattoo or the man with just some subtle facial hair.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Number one.
Rob Loveless
Yeah. This quiz is not that serious and obviously, all gay people are different, and we get it, you're not that kind of gay. Now go and complain about not liking pop music, never watching Drag Race, and hating gay bars somewhere else, two see above.
So, what do you think is the answer?
Cheyenne Filipczyk
See above.
Rob Loveless
Okay, it's number one, stupid. Oh my god.
All right, this one I did better on. You got 12 out of 15 correct. So, you got 89%.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
I know, but is it really correct if I mess up a Britney lyric?
Rob Loveless
I mean, we're just different kinds of people.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
We're different kinds of people.
Rob Loveless
But, I mean, I mean, I do like that because, obviously it's a satirical quiz, but I like how it ends on that note. You know, not that serious.
Obviously, all gay people are different, and just kind of based off some stereotypes. But yeah, I thought that was fun.
Episode Closing (39:03)
Rob Loveless
But, I mean, I think we've had a good conversation here about, you know, allyship, what it means, being aware, you know.
And I think tying it back to the tarot, you know, we're talking about kind of feeling that burden, or feeling overwhelmed by all the responsibilities we're carrying.
And I think we really, you know, need to find that opportunity. It's an action-focused card. So, we need to find the opportunity to share that awareness with others.
Because, like I've said in a couple episodes, we need the support of our straight allies to help push the movement towards equality forward. Because, you know, we are a minority group.
And times are changing. People are getting a little bit more liberal, luckily, a little bit more accepting. You wouldn't know that in the White House, but I mean in general, your neighbors and stuff like that, usually.
But it's important that we, you know, we spread the awareness that people know what's going on. Because, like, we talked about, topics aren't always getting that much attention.
So, we can't just, you know, have people show up in their rainbow gear and think, yep, I'm a supporter. Here we go.
We need to spread the awareness. Take that action. Let them know we need the support. Beyond that.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
For sure. Know your privilege, do your research, listen to Britney Spears, and...
Rob Loveless
Listen to Britney Spears. Do that first.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Do that first. Yeah. Know your privilege. Listen to Britney.
Rob Loveless
And then work bitch like put some work in. Action card today. Do the work.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Do the work.
Rob Loveless
Do the work. Thank you again, Cheyenne, for joining us today. I was really glad to have you on here. And thank you for always being an ally.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Oh, of course, it's been a really cool experience. I'm excited to come out of the closet. So...
Connect with A Jaded Gay (40:20)
Rob Loveless
Anyway, thank you all again for listening. Please remember to rate, review, and subscribe. You can reach out to me rob@ajadedgay.com.
You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and Twitter @ajadedgaypod. You can follow me Rob Loveless on Instagram @rob_loveless, or on Twitter @robjloveless.
And remember, every day is all we have, so you got to make your own happiness.
Do you want to do the mmm-bye with me?
Mmm-bye.
Beautiful, do it again, Cheyenne.
Cheyenne Filipczyk
Mmm-bye.
Rob Loveless
We love it. Bye.
Outtake (41:11)
Rob Loveless
She is a business owner. Wait, I need to think of more things to say about you. That's it. No other redeeming qualities.
